USICIAN'S JARGON: Idiot-check, noun, a final check of the immediate staging area, after a band or set has been struck, to ascertain that no equipment or belongings have been left behind.

As I was loading out after a gig one night, I saw one of our road-crew come stumbling out of the load-out doors like he was being thrown out of a saloon in the wild west.

On being asked what had happened, he related that he had been doing a final check of the stage area when our singer approached him drunk and belligerent, asking: "What are you doing?"

Roadie replied: "Idiot check." To which Singer truculently interposed, "Who you calling an idiot?" - and punched Roadie in the face. And that's where we came in - as he was tumbling out.

Singer followed him out, his face a glibness and stupidity cocktail, believing that the band would back him up for this grievous insult. It took us twenty minutes to explain to him exactly why he was a horse's ass.

Roadie, rubbing his face, observed, "I was doing an idiot-check and I sure found an idiot."