Part I - The Stink of Bush Part V - When All News is No News
Part II - The Dick That Choked Amerika Part VI - Taking Issue With The Issues
Part III – The Presidential Race to Ruin Part VII - Song of The Prophet
Part IV - Democracy Inaction Part VIII - Constitution Ablution (in the works)

Part VI
Taking Issue with The Issues.

by Jon Dunmore © 7 Oct 2007.


The issues on the table for presidential candidates are as deflected and misdirected as the “mainstream media” “news” “reportage.” Delving deeper than the coconut glaze that the public is force-fed, these issues open more wounds than they heal and spawn more problems than they solve… as Our Man on the Ground, Poffy The Cucumber, found out…

The Great Unwashed’s greatest mistake in assessing the “issues” is that they believe there are only “two sides” to each issue – the red side and the blue side, the right and left, the good and bad – but each issue is a myriad of overlapping plaid stripes. There is NO “one best solution” for most of the issues, as they’ve been so deformed and politicized by each wart-blasted senate hand that caresses them darkly.

Well, Poffy and I are not here to explore the media-howling angles; we’re attacking out of the sun and only taking prisoners if they’ve got really bangin’ side-tits. We’re only addressing the issues that we understand well enough to confuse you bad enough. And the rest of the issues can be addressed by the actual congressmen who are buying your vote illegally.

Voting will not forge a better Amerika – understanding will. “Voting” will slide another snakeskin cowboy into office who bought his plush chair through blood money, corporate swallowing and rigged machines. “Understanding” will enable people to navigate a path out of the labyrinth of lies and deception that the cowboys have erected as obstacles.

But the ailing public has been duped into believing that VOTING will resolve these issues. These issues then, hailing Patriots, are the songs of the doomed:


“Most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.”
- attrition.org

The Amerikan Supreme Court has not resolved whether the Second Amendment pertains to state militia bearing arms or private citizens bearing arms. So why the fuss? First resolve that conundrum, then start the arguments. Right now, arguing over the Second Amendment’s idiosyncrasies is moot. But we’re going to anyway.

Every time someone gets shot, the cry goes up: “Gun control! Gun control!” Does anyone know exactly what they’re calling for? Guns ARE being “controlled.” In various states, guns can be purchased with varying degrees of difficulty. Those who cry for the implementation of consistent sale laws are truly cognizant of “gun control.”

But when LOBBYISTS scream “gun control” they simply mean removing all guns from private citizens, disallowing them the “right to bear arms” in self-defense; taking guns out of the hands of the people who obey “gun control” laws and don’t carry weapons to shoot people – while the illegal weapons trade continues its flow of guns into the hands of law breakers (people with the propensity to use their guns illegally). And you can’t scream and cry for the lawbreaker to lawfully adhere to gun control laws. He won’t listen – that’s why he’s a lawbreaker.

The reason someone gets shot is not because guns were not being controlled. It is because guns WERE being controlled.

“The terrorists” were able to fly planes into buildings because pilots were disarmed by “gun control.”

What the average pleb really wants when puling “Gun control” is the removal of that one gun out of that one nut’s hands who used it improperly. Amy Holmes, commenting on the Virginia Tech shootings (Apr ’07) on Real Time with Bill Maher noted it was not an issue on gun control, rather about starting a "much-overdue conversation about NUT control."

“Gun control isn’t necessarily crime control.”
– ABC reporter.

The only way to curb these gun nuts and others like them misusing guns on other people – is to arm OTHER PEOPLE. Which means - in the parlance of the lobbyists – LESS “gun control.”

But hang on a minute! Isn’t this the same country that is selling billions of dollars of weapons to their own enemies? And LOSING 190,000 guns with NO ACCOUNTABILITY? How about “controlling” some of those guns, despots – then come looking for ours…

Poffy The Cucumber says:

“You’ll get my guns when you pry them from Charlton Heston’s cold dead hands, you damn dirty apes!”



If you have unprotected sex, you’re just ASKING for that most heinous of sexually-transmitted diseases: kids.
 - Jon Dunmore

Firstly, let’s wipe the euphemisms off the table: it’s not “pro-choice versus pro-life,” it’s “pro-abortion” versus “pro-birth.” Examine the semantics: both sides are pro-choice – one makes the choice to abort, one makes the choice to birth. Pro-abort. Pro-birth. How much easier can the demarcation be?

Aborters were forced to adopt the Pro-choice euphemism for the browbeating of the unibrow mediocrities accusing them of sin and immorality; but that small psychological semantic stroke only makes them feel better. I say: stop being gutless – if the Pro-Births find you repugnant anyway, call yourselves what you are!

Secondly, abortion should be handled at a State, rather than a federal level. Why are We The People puling at the federal government to give us succor over abortion issues anyway?

Meanwhile, the accusers of sin and immorality (the Pro-Births) are just as sinful and immoral far from the media spotlight (I should know: I’ve had freaky sex with nearly all of them) and totally misrepresent themselves in public as moral compasses. The reason most of them took their stance on that prude side of morals in the first place is because they have some dark secret in their past or present. To atone for their perceived wickedness, they don’t have the decency to be born just once – most of them get born AGAIN (as some kind of metaphysical corroboration they are pro-birth, I guess). But why stop at twice? Oh Jesus, please birth me a third time, and a fourth time, as I’m always on higher moral ground every time I seep out that syrupy vaginal opening of yours!

Come puling with their ostentatious aggrandizement of the term “pro-life” – like they’ve got the handle on what Earth’s and god’s and Evolution’s Grand Plan is all about. Ever seen a “pro-life” rally? I’m sure the Earth and god and Evolution weren’t planning on arriving at these sway-toothed, rhino-rumped, trailer-rashed, bulbous-nosed, cankle-fugly, stringy-haired, mayonnaise-waisted crap-shoots as the zenith of humanity. And these population-density-mongers (who do more for weakening the human grasp on Life by allowing every misfit and mutant to be birthed) have the audacity to burden the Pro-Abortions with fake guilt over their truly discerning choice which makes no dent at all in humanity’s ability to survive as a species. 

The Pro-Births never want to address the issue of liability: if they want abortion to be illegal, then not only should the aborting doctor be arrested for murder, but the WOMAN as well. Yet Pro-Births find no fault in that supposed flower of virginity, that chaste creation-machine. This is exactly where their arguments fall flatter than Keira Knightley’s bosom. Most of them have not even THOUGHT about the fact that making something illegal means creating a punishment for its infraction – when questioned on how to punish aborting women, Libertyville protestors went blanker than… well, blanker than the minds of Pro-Birth protestors!

No one wants to approach the issue of throwing a mother, a woman, the “weaker sex” in jail. The Double Standard in rampant action: for example, when a man pedophiles, the book is thrown at him (unless it’s a priest, then that book is the bible - and we all know that book means absolute whore spit); when a woman pedophiles, she is let off with a stern warning not to be so hot.

But aborting doctors don’t break into pregnant women’s hospital rooms with spatulas and lube – she opened her legs willingly (for the second time – mind you!) and authorized the doctor’s supposed “murder.” It takes THREE to tango in an abortion – and the woman is doubly-guilty: at the inception and at the destruction. Yet – not a word about HER infidelity to Humanity. It’s the MAN’S fault for impregnating her and the DOCTOR’S fault for aborting her. While she slept through it all, right?

Is it so hard to understand that each pregnancy brings its own circumstances, therefore each should be addressed as “birth” or “abort”  on its own merits? Just because you abort once doesn’t mean you’ll do it again. Just because you’ve birthed once, likewise. You're ALL "pro-choice."

Poffy The Cucumber

"The Aborters don’t cross the aisle to stick their noses in the Birthers’ vaginas – Birthers: do the same."


Gay marriage is such a non-issue I hesitate to even give it credence by talking about it. But I guess I have to, or the dolphins will get upset.

Marriage (heterosexual, homosexual, between a llama and a PETA-phile, etc.) is a social illusion brought about by signing a piece of paper provided by the State. All the arguments FOR marriage are for reasons which can be attained without it.

People say the stupidest things: “I wanted to get married to have kids.” So…er, that piece of paper carries your genetic code which you use to impregnate your wife?...

You don’t need to be married to have kids; you don’t need to be married to raise kids; you don’t even need to be married to have sex! (Yo, Amish!)

You don’t need to be married:
to be in love,
to have companionship,
to have a relationship,
to share a bank account,
to buy a house,
to “settle down,”
to be happy,
to be secure in your sexuality,
to own property...

And further, you don’t need to be married to go to jail for domestic violence, to be pussy-whipped, to be Just Friends…

You don’t need to be married to call me in the middle of the night to help you move house right now because your girl stabbed you;

You don’t need to be married to grow old and die with someone; or to have someone wipe your pancake butt at eighty; or to buy Viagra in your autumn because you’re so damn jaded of the same wrinkled bed-warmer you can’t get it up anymore…

You don’t need to be married to propagate the human species, which is the ultimate reason you are on this planet that will go on regardless of your existence, and will go on whether or not you have that pathetic, state-endorsed marriage license toilet paper in your filing cabinet gathering vitriol with each passing non-fellated day.

As to the “sanctity” of marriage, firstly, there is no Kantian “outside morality” by which we can measure the “holiness” of two people pretending toward monogamy for life in the witness of a representative of the church and state. Take one look at the divorce rates in Amerika and then come talk to me about marriage’s “sanctity.”

Conversely: If you’re married, you could still be unhappy. If you’re married, you could still be promiscuous; you could still be unsure of your sexuality; you could still be broke.

If you’re married it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re settled down; if you’re married, you could still need companionship…and so on...

And the gay community WANTS this unnatural state?

Idiots! You’ve got it better than any heterosexual couple on Earth (except maybe Gene Simmons) – you can come and go as you please; you can choose to devote your time and energies to one person – or not – without the state and social ethos demanding accountability; you can run, you can hide; you can pump with impunity and leave with the dawn; you have a CHOICE.

And you want to remonstrate over your…FREEDOM?!

By granting hetero married couples benefits for chaining themselves to the State, the federal government has worked its most insidious reverse psychology on gays and supporters of freedom – by making them think that marriage is a BETTER form of existence than non-marriage; that being chained to the state is preferable to being free! And even those who are “free” (i.e. unmarried) support the “right” for gay people to marry because it supposedly promotes “freedom.”

But benefits to married couples and children of married couples is not proof of the legitimacy of “marriage” or monogamy, but rather proof of the condition that the State prefers its citizens exist under. When considering “State benefits” pertaining to marriage and children, how exactly does “love” and “companionship” and “settling down” slot into that paperwork?

Ultimately, the “gay marriage” issue is tied to the Republicans’ decrees on “family values” and how the deterioration of those values is embodied in aspects like gays marrying – even though there is absolutely no way to prove that deterioration. There is no bigger bunch of hypocrites on this planet (except maybe the catholic church); rankling the airwaves that gays marrying will bring about the downfall of civilization through strawberry body oil and the rampant wearing of cut-off t-shirts.

Gay marriage shouldn’t be made legal. ALL marriage should be de-legalized and separated from State intrusion and performed on a purely personal level. That would keep everyone happy. And the bigotry aimed at single people should be nullified by putting everyone on the same “benefits” scale, married, single, gay, straight, children or childless. And llamas too.

Poffy The Cucumber says:

“Republicans are against the “sanctity” of gay marriage because they prefer the hotness of public toilets.”


George W. Bush: “Each of these human embryos is a unique human life with inherent dignity and matchless value.” Pity Bush can’t apply that tenet to ADULT human lives which he either tramples under heel as peons, sends to war to secure his oil retirement fund or murders as enemies of democracy.

And those stem cells that are not used for scientific research? They get flushed. Nice skoolyard logic from the skoolyard brain again: "I can't see any short-term benefits for me, so no one will reap ANY benefits at all."

“Bush and his family and his like-minded political leaders and their families, should gather at the White House to affirm their beliefs. With cameras rolling, they can all sign a proclamation stating that they will never, under any circumstances, accept any form of medical treatment for themselves or their children derived from embryonic stem-cell research. Example has always been an effective component of leadership.”
- James Louloudes, letter in topix.net.

Poffy The Cucumber says:

“Mmm - brain food! No wonder George W doesn’t want any!”


Illegal Immigration – in Amerikan parlance - is a euphemism for MEXICAN illegal immigration (no one really cares about the fair-complected folksies), which is a euphemism for border patrolling, which is a euphemism for MEXICAN border patrolling (like anyone has a racist eye on Canada’s ten-times-longer boundary line). And when we arrive at this convoluted point, we realize we’ve been lied to like trusting boyfriends.

“Immigration” per se is not an issue. I’m an immigrant, I have a green card. No issue (except for all the usual forms being lost by all the usual departments by all the usual cubicled nitwits – but that’s far from the moral indignation Americans feel over Mexicans “taking their jobs”). Also, I’m from Australia. No issue. (Proof? In 1994, when I WAS illegally in the U.S. after the expiration of my work visa, I was hauled to jail on an expired license and unpaid traffic tickets. Before being released after a three-day hold, they called me up to check my “immigration status.” As soon as that Paul Hogan twang spilled onto them, they put my papers in the outgoing pile – and I was back out in the U.S. being illegal again. But every Alvarez, Garcia and Hernandez who couldn’t pronounce their j’s got grilled like a shrimp on the Barbie.)

And if the issue was about protecting the borders, there would actually be troops PROTECTING THE BORDERS instead of in another country “fighting them over there.” After the stopgap “planning” of the Mexico-U.S. “wall” actually reached a building stage, the government found it suddenly had to find another delaying tactic. What do they come up with? The “virtual border.” What kind of beanstems do the government think we are to fall for the unutterable stupidity of cameras - CAMERAS! - placed along the border to simply watch (they call it surveil to make it sound they’re actually DOING something) as Mexicans breach nothing more than a line drawn in the frickin’ sand, to enter the U.S. and do the jobs Amerikans don’t wanna do…

Bush will heartily sign a bill that “cracks down on illegal immigration” (whatever that means) but does nothing to crack down on the CAUSE of illegal immigration - the employers who are more than willing to HIRE illegals and pay them below legal minimum wages. How can Bush possibly go after those industries doing illegal hirings when so many of them are paying his own illegal way?

And what use are borders when the leaders of Canada, Mexico and the U.S. surreptitiously signed the North American Union into existence in 2005? Could this be why any bills regarding “illegal immigration” can’t get a foot in the door of Congress? Because the leaders of the Amerikan land mass realize that NO ONE is illegal anymore and the term “immigration” is obsolete when all the swine are feeding from the same trough.

A great man once sang: “Imagine there's no countries / It isn't hard to do / Nothing to kill or die for / And no religion too… / Imagine no possessions / I wonder if you can / No need for greed or hunger / A brotherhood of man / Imagine all the people / Sharing all the world…”

In its purest form, the North American Union (NAU) is a great idea. It is analogous to Babel, where all the peoples of the Earth united to work toward a common goal. Consolidating a large land mass of countries would standardize passports, trade, jobs, wages, health insurance, millions of disparate products; it drives toward that One World all the fadsters yammer about; when space travel becomes commonplace, we can proudly say “We come from Earth” instead of a provincial land mass at war with other provincial land masses. A union of all the Americas brushes up close to realizing Lennon’s genius vision of a brotherhood of man…

But there is one reason why the North American Union is NOT such a good idea. Purely and simply because the fascist dictators who signed away Amerika’s and Mexico’s and Canada’s sovereignty did so covertly. That in itself clearly tells us they are up to something spanky and perverse. They are not imagining no possessions. They are imagining We the People as their possessions. And there will be lots of greed – theirs – and hunger – ours. And they alone – the ruling classes – will be the Brotherhood of Man, the peacekeepers, the thoughtpolice, the judges, juries and executioners. Especially executioners.

They didn’t even propose fake reasons and coerce the Great Unwashed to vote on the NAU or allow them to think it was beneficial. There was no campaign to make it seem like a Good Idea At The Time while the governments worked behind the scenes to secure their ulterior agenda. No. Like Nike, they Just Did It.

And now the mainstream media shows us debates over illegal immigrants (again, read as Mexicans) securing licenses and ID cards – with the displacement lie that it has something to do with curbing terrorism (cha-ching!). Yet another deflective non-issue, as every citizen in the NAU (except for the policy shakers and widow makers) will ultimately be issued a Radio Frequency ID chip (RFID). An implant. Under the skin. Like a dog.

All the B-Movie science fiction Christmases have come at once.

Combine the countries, combine the currency in the “Amero” dollar (with your income directly linked to your chip), then combine the populace via standardized chips. Implanted in you so you’ll never lose it. And never be able to lose yourself. So the distracted sheep can believe they’ve got money to burn within their souls, while the reality is that whenever the ruling classes, the almighty They (They’ve actually turned into They in my lifetime) want to tax you, charge you, penalize you, They will, at whim. Individually or en masse. And if you protest? God – or whatever is running the universe – help you. They’ll simply turn you off. No credit, no food, no status, no more interaction with society. You become what They’ve always considered you – an unperson – but now in stark social reality, rather than as a number on a tax form filed in an office building that smells of urine…

Do you really think illegal immigration is a prime concern when the government has introduced the euphemistic “guest worker” program via H1B and H2B visas – authorization for immigrants who are not exactly legal, but allowed to work over the radar?

Dallasnews.com reports: “Demand for these workers is booming. The number of H2B workers sought by U.S. employers jumped from about 100,000 in fiscal year 2000 to nearly 250,000 in 2006.” But they don’t tell us why it’s booming – because an immigrant worker, doing the same job at the same location as an Amerikan worker, makes up to $12,000 less annually than the Amerikan. And where does that “saved” money go? Why, into the pockets of the congresspersons who support the plan. Government distracts Amerika by claiming they’re bringing in the “best and brightest from around the world” but they’re doing no such thing. They are now effectively letting “barely legal” immigrants take the jobs that Amerikans DO want.

Combine this with the contradictions and duplicity of the STRIVE Act (Security Through Regularized Immigration and a Vibrant Economy – it even SOUNDS like a displacement euphemism as it rolls off the tongue like chunks of Cornish ram’s bladder garnished with lark’s vomit) and no wonder no one can figure whether the illegals are coming or staying.

Poffy The Cucumber

“Make a run for the imaginary line in the sand that no one cares about patrolling  anymore!”


Though not an election issue per se, so much of modern Amerikan rhetoric is predicated on the events of September 11, 2001 that it behooves us to at least target the yellow-bellied sniveller who is exploiting it even more than George W. Bush – presidential candidate and New York leper, Rudy Giuliani.

Is it irony or just plain bonecrushing asswolla stupidity how a guy who BASES HIS PRESIDENTIAL BID on 9/11 and the fake War on Terror:
a) is reviled by actual 9/11 volunteers and New York firefighters alike?;
b) has not read the 9/11 Commission Report;
c) has constantly lied about his involvement in 9/11;
d) resigned from the Iraq study group, a panel specifically formed to identify the best solutions to America-Iraq relations;
d) falls back on sloganeering congruent with the Ku Bush Klan's stance on the Iraq war, so that he won't HAVE to think about studied solutions that might accidentally be beneficial to the world at large;
e) had to be schooled by Ron Paul on American Middle Eastern intervention;
f) only spent 29 hours at Ground Zero in 3 months, while claiming to have been there “as long as the volunteers”;
g) allowed the public to think he was marching the streets in heroic fervor when it was simply because his office was razed – the same office he was advised not to situate in WTC7 because it was a terrorist target after the 1993 bombing;
h) whilst denouncing the “General Betray-Us” ad of MoveOn.org, holds a campaign fundraiser with an admission donation of $9.11, proving definitively what a sick fuck he is...

Poffy The Cucumber

“Remember, remember,
The eleventh of September;
The aeroplane treason and plot.
I see no reason
Why George Bush treason
Should ever be forgot.


One of the few legitimate issues, Global Warming has become so politicized that its problems, solutions and dire realities have become – ahem – “clouded” under the guise of self-aggrandizement and faddish self-righteousness.

Deception and distraction are the order of the day, even more so now than when Global Warming was being officially questioned by the unethical scientists in Bush’s employ. When car commercials open their advertisements basking in the glow of their manufacturing plants being surrounded by deer and woodlands, instead of actually advertising their smog-spewing machines; when commercials start lauding the environment BEFORE they start talking about their environment-destroying product, we can be pretty sure that this is how Krypton ended up exploding, their advanced scientific culture blinded by political posturing and tight spandex.

Though the global warming argument has been framed from the stances of only two contrary camps (“global warming exists” and “no it doesn’t”) both sides fail to address one of the salient truths about human involvement in the issue: we can’t stop farting around – literally and figuratively.

Aug ’07: Robert J. Samuelson in Newsweek, reports: “The global warming debate’s great unmentionable is this: we lack the technology to get from here to there. Just because Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to cut emissions 80 percent below 1990 levels doesn’t mean it can happen.

“The International Energy Agency simulated an aggressive global program to cut emissions based on the best available technologies: solar, wind and biomass; more efficient cars, appliances and buildings; more nuclear. Under this admitted fantasy, global emissions in 2050 would still exceed 2003 levels.

“One way or another, our assaults against global warming are likely to be symbolic, ineffective or both.”

Or blocked by hypocrites:
Even if you pulled a Henry David Thoreau and tried to live off the land in a self-sustaining energy environment by building a house with solar panels and a windmill, I’ve learned firsthand from someone who tried it that the government restrictions alone will kill you: building the windmill a prescribed distance from your house so that it doesn’t fall on it is the first arguing point, then there are the council regulation permits (wake me when the wait is over); an electrician has to come out every month to service your supply for hundreds of dollars (because California Edison, the company with the monopoly on electricity are not gonna let you get away with doing it yourself – they’ll claw your money one way or another!); the solar panels only work at 80% efficiency for 3 years, then go down to 40%, whereupon you need to replace them, which costs more than building the house… and on it goes.

So though we HAVE the resources, the very corps who pule about “greening the planet” and aggrandize themselves in caressing woodland critters, will stoop to ignobly puerile measures to ensure that you don’t do it independently – otherwise, how would they MAKE A PROFIT ON IT?!

For millennia, indigenous peoples of the world (including this land of the Kree and home of the braves), never once came close to decimating their own land – they instinctively knew they didn’t “own” the land, they were a PART of it. With our industrialization and virus-like spread over the flesh and under the skin of this planet, we’ve removed ourselves so far from being a “part of the land” – by having middle men till the soil and provide our foodstuffs and construct our shelters and provide our energies - we’ve forgotten that, if anything, the LAND owns US.

And I do mean “ownz.”

Poffy The Cucumber

"The Arctic is slammin’ this time of year! Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing Global Warming!


About ten years ago (mid-90s), when personal websites were exploding in popularity, there used to be a genre of web-server space called “Everything/Nothing” websites (not to be confused with Todd Rundgren’s magnificent 1972 opus, Something/Anything?). These sites featured first-class doiks detailing their most inane likes and dislikes, pictures of their pets, their visit to the Grand Canyon (replete with studiously inept Family Photography), their BFF’s, their pecan pie recipes and other egregious time-wasteful tidbits; simply put, they contained everything and said nothing. There are still Everything/Nothing websites – banded together in one massive scar of pointlessness on the world wide wank -  they’re now called MySpace. And Facebook.

“I wish someone would explain the huge psychological shift by which someone can imagine he or she has thousands of personal friends.”
- Newsweek letters (Sep ’07).

Yes, these sites have utility as work tools and can assuage the inherent loneliness of the gregarious human animal, but the Grand Irony is that people who spend all their waking hours frothingly posting Everything/Nothing minutiae about their private lives on these websites then have the gall to complain about the government probing into their private lives by monitoring their e-mail and phone correspondence. Isn’t this the essence of “democracy” that YOU the People whine about – “if the majority do it, it must be right”? Though the CIA and FBI have been wiretapping illegally for decades, the Amerikan government’s recent overt contempt pertaining to this misfeasance is simply the reflection of YOU the People’s obvious lackadaisical attitude toward your own most private glop. 

It’s too late now – as the Ku Bush Klan have fooled Congress into granting them the legality by which to wiretap you illegally – but if you didn’t want the probing into your personal lives, refrain from doing it to yourselves in the first place!

Poffy The Cucumber

“Poke me and you’ll pull back a bloody stump.”


Poffy has already delved deeply into the health care issue in his review of Michael Moore’s SICKO.
Read the full review here.

There IS no “war” on drugs. Wake up!

For that matter, there’s no “war” on Terror either. How can there be if the United Lying States of Amerika is the greatest proponent of terrorism in the galaxy right now?

Poffy The Cucumber

" It’s a good thing the War on Drugs wiped out all drugs. Like the War on Terror is wiping out all terror."


In 2004, Supreme Chancellor of the Fourth Reich, George W. Bush, ran for re-election on the issue “If you DON’T want the draft, vote for me.”

Aug ’07: Now this Alzheimer’s poster child talks about instigating the draft as if it was always in his schedule. It was.

While you thought you were voting NO DRAFT, you were actually voting FOR it. Even if you won, you lost. That’s the beauty of voting in this country: the person willing to LIE THE MOST usually wins.

(There are actually more Amerikan mercenaries in Iraq than actual Amerikan military troops - 180,000 mercs parallel the regular army, with the murdering Blackwater swine being the largest of those forces; all no-bid contracts, all vying for the same immunities granted military personnel; all going to wriggle free of the Sep ’07 murder charges leveled against them. We can’t blame them for their arrogance and illegal activities – they’re only following the example of their president.)

Neither the Iraq War, nor the umbrella War on Terror, nor Operation Phantom Thunder or Operation Arrowhead Ripper (are they kidding? Who’s naming these initiatives – Marvel Comics?) will end in conventional “victory” – for any side. They will peter out like limp-wristed embarrassments, or morph into the next ongoing skirmish for two major reasons:

One: Like Napoleon not being able to press his advantage into Russia and Hitler breaching the limits of his lebensraum, the Amerikan government will simply run out of money, resources, troops. This impotent condition has already befallen the Amerikan military, as the president and Petraeus pat each other on the arse for graciously returning 30,000 troops to Amerikan shores (leaving 130,000 still stranded). But this was not due to any success – it was merely because there are a finite number of troops deployable, and in order to legally allow the troops enough home time before rotating them back to the bloodfields, they HAD to bring 30,000 home. (How sad that we can actually make a JOKE about the Bush admin “adhering to legality.”) Hillary Clinton hit the nail when she proclaimed, “Taking credit for this is like taking credit for the sun coming up in the morning.”

Two: The Draft will put an end to war. Or at least war on the scale that Amerika would like to continue prosecuting it. Everyone thinks the Draft will prolong the wars currently in progress around the globe. But I’m reminded of that Life of Brian scene: “Nail em up, I say! Nail some sense into ‘em!”

Draft ‘em up, I say! Draft some sense into ‘em!

You see, when the hammer comes down, and the Bush government starts dragging men, women and children to their unvolunteered deaths, we’re going to discover exactly how many lip-service warmongers lack the spine to take their filibustering to the bloodfields.

And you can’t arrest EVERYONE for desertion.

Bushies blather in a continuous stream on chat rooms across Amerika, slurping their approval of Bush’s mad cow policies. A military draft will at last SHUT THEM THE FUCK UP! Especially when politicians’ children are up for grabs. Mitten’s kittens will be the last to go, kicking and screaming like the pussies they are, as Mitt tries on excuses and petitions his string-pulling nepotizzies all to no avail; until enough congressferrets’ sons and daughters and wives and husbands have been disemboweled by IEDs (that should be, oh, about two) and the draft will be as dead as Dick Cheney’s smile muscles.

Poffy The Cucumber

“It was Mel Gibson in a dress who said: ‘What will you do without freedom? …Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance - just one chance - to come back here and tell our enemies… that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... our FREEDOM!’”


“And the Anzio bridgehead was held for the price
Of a few hundred ordinary lives…”
Pink Floyd, When The Tigers Broke Free.

That Floyd quote says it all. The callousness with which the death toll of “the war” is addressed is becoming more passé with each passing greed-fueled murder. When Cheney in 1994 cited the “unnecessary Amerikan death toll” as one of the reasons why Bush 42 didn’t chase Saddam into Iraq, everyone took this as if he somehow “cared” for the human species, but his recent record proves conclusively that his decision then was not based on morality or the same sentiment which drives Pro-Birthers to rally – he was, in fact, citing human lives as a political strategy, not a real concern. At that time, he based his decision on What’s In It For Him,  just as he currently bases his wasting of those same Amerikan lives on What’s In It For Him right now. Human lives, tanks, toilet paper, guns – they’re all just commodities.

Evan Thomas of Newsweek writes of Cheney: “By striking out at imagined demons, he is creating real ones” – but that statement is not entirely accurate. In PRETENDING to strike out at real demons (the agitprop of being “over there” has nothing to do with curbing terrorism) they are creating new ones (real terrorists are being created because Amerika is poking its penis into the Middle East so intrusively for control reasons).

Ron Paul wants out. For compelling reasons which few are listening to and fewer are hearing: “All foreign aid should be discontinued. Most evidence shows that this money rarely helps the poor, but instead solidifies power in the hands of dictators. There’s no moral argument that can justify taxing poor people in this country to help rich people in poor countries.”

A few second-tier candidates parrot Paul’s views, but otherwise, the rest of the high-money-low-moral scoundrels want to kill more people for the sake of oil. Or gutlessly pretend they strive for middle ground on the killing and withdrawal and finding alternate energy resources. While Bush actually coaches Hillary on how to Stay the Course in the Middle East. While Joe Biden proposes intelligent schemes on withdrawal and creating Iraqi states that no one hears because he cannot afford the media time - and even if he could, people are more concerned with Fred Thompson’s wasteful hot air blatherings and updating their myspace pages. While Giuliani continues his black campaign on the backs of the dead.

Iraq is not about nation-building – it is about empire-retention.

Oct ’07: And CNN reports that under the weak-boned Maliki government, “Iraq is Corrupt.” (An actual onscreen headline.) Oh really? To paraphrase Hillary: as obvious as the sun coming up in the morning.
But Iraq is not the only country involved in the Iraq Conflict that is corrupt – there’s Bush’s Amerika too.

To cite just one instance of that corruption: Bush’s government recently spent Amerikan taxpayer dollars arming the Iraqis who are supposedly fighting on the side of the U.S. And 190,000 guns went missing. The military’s excuse? They wanted to arm the Iraqi’s so quickly (!) that instead of cataloguing the weapons in the proper manner, they just “handed them out and they all went missing.” Don’t you wish they would exhibit such fervor in bestowing scientific grants, or funding space missions to discover habitable planets after we nuke the livable shit out of this one?...that they would go out of their way to lose track of textbooks distributed to schools or building materials to provide homeless with houses; that they would shrug their shoulders and plead No Accountability when asked where billions of dollars of medical supplies went towards helping those who couldn’t afford medical care…now wouldn’t that be something?

While Bush and Cheney lie about “success in Iraq” in Sep ’07, they seem to forget that when they surged nearly 30,000 troops in Feb ’07, they set themselves “benchmarks.” (Quotation marks around “benchmarks” for a reason which will soon become apparent.) Sep ’07: the White House reports that 11 of the 18 “benchmarks” have not been met. By any standard, this would mean “the surge” (laughingly termed Operation Fardh al-Qanoon (Operation Law and Order)) was a failure. So what did the press secretaries do? They re-imagined the word “benchmark”: “We shouldn’t really judge Iraq progress by benchmarks.”


The very thing we give a name to, by which to measure success - they want to remove the meaning of that thing. The aspects which we use to measure progress are now not to be used to measure progress – because they couldn’t progress. Rather than admitting they “failed,” they place the blame squarely on THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE for making it LOOK like they’re failing.

And thus do we arrive at the Success Not Victory scam already discussed in Part V.

Michael Davis, on usaelectionpolls.com: “Bush is only interested in protecting his family and friends' oil business and defense industry business…

“…shouldn't we have a "conflict of interest" clause for presidents? I mean we have them for lawyers and judiciaries. Why is it OK for a president or his family to be heavily vested in companies that provide military equipment when he has the ability to start wars? …Just seems crazy to me that we allow these people to profit from war when they are the reason for that war to begin with. And they get oil profits on top of it... It's like double benefit... Make money from stolen oil, plus make money selling equipment to defend that oil to the taxpayers.”

Poffy The Cucumber

“I wanna party naked with the unprincipled, amoral, lying pigsluts who manufactured this war – Rumsfeld and Cheney and Rove and Wolfowitz: with such a lack of scruples, I bet they mix a wicked margherita.”




Here’s another REAL issue that Americans are never allowed near, yet which is a yardstick for the American ethos, which is now non-existent. Who voted to authorize torture camps on Amerikan soil and in Amerika’s name? Who WOULD? Surely no one with a vestige of humanity, dignity and intelligence. Well, no wonder Bush tortures…

After years of repudiating the accusations of torture – even though we KNEW they were lying all along (not just through the Abu Ghraib pics, but headlines like June 2005: “US acknowledges torture at Guantanamo; in Iraq, Afghanistan – UN,” Forbes.com) – now secret documents have surfaced, showing Washington authorizing torture (under the auspices of that ex-attorney general who knew absolutely squat about justice, Liar Emeritus Alberto Gonzales), proving once again that Bush-Cheney need to be impeached before another Earth minute expires. But once again, the ABSOLUTE LIARS twist the indicting documents to suit their ends - they’re not even denying sanctioning torture, rather – as is their diabolical wont, they choose to call the activities described in the documents “lawful interrogation.” Y’know, that works for me – let’s “lawfully interrogate” Bush and Cheney by stringing them up by their testicles and dunking their bagged heads underwater whilst electrocuting them. It’s the only lawful thing to do.

I hope they die slowly. And painfully. No, I take that back. I don’t hope they die. I hope they LIVE: crippled, impotent, charred, twisted, arthritic, botulistic, purulent, unable to eat through their mouths and unable to shit out their bowels. LIVE, you unhuman wretches!

An October 7, 2007 op-ed piece in the New York Times, says it more eloquently than any précis I could conjure:

“Once upon a time, it was the United States that urged all nations to obey the letter and the spirit of international treaties and protect human rights and liberties. American leaders denounced secret prisons where people were held without charges, tortured and killed. And the people in much of the world, if not their governments, respected the United States for its values.

“The Bush administration has dishonored that history and squandered that respect. As an article on this newspaper’s front page last week laid out in disturbing detail, President Bush and his aides have not only condoned torture and abuse at secret prisons, but they have conducted a systematic campaign to mislead Congress, the American people and the world about those policies.”

Read the full piece here: On Torture and American Values.

Isn’t it about time we retired that exhausted, hypocritical phrase, “I can’t believe this is happening in America!” How many times can Amerika’s innocence be lost? A sense of outrage every time someone claims something is “Un-American!” – as if American values are a breed apart from prescribed morality. As Saturn Motors reminds us, it’s time to Rethink American.

Poffy The Cucumber says:

“Be careful with that axe, Eugene!”


Taken as read that the slogan “No Child Left Behind” is not a call to arms for better TEACHING, but a lowering of standards, so that even the dunderheads can be shunted through the archaic skool system, there is no better illustration that this hypocritical Bush admin scheme is vigorously ineffectual than by listening to the man who brainstormed it into political incognizance, George W. Bush himself, who recently told us that “Childrens do learn when standards are high…”

Maybe childrens do learn when standards are high. Too bad standards are so low that childrens like HIM can end up as the President of the United Moron States of Amerika.

Poffy The Cucumber

“Me am so glad to be learnings with such high standard. Me hopes to be president of Uniteds State some day.”


“This administration claims not only inherent but exclusive presidential powers to treat all of America as a battlefield on which even American citizens can be declared “enemy combatants,” seized and held indefinitely, and intelligence can be collected by any means the president orders.” Sounds like a conspiracy theorist, right? Scrawling his propaganda on a poetry wall that no one but hippies and coffee-housers will read? Not any more. These words now issue regularly from the mainstream media that is NOT bought. These words are from Pulitzer Prize-winning, conservative American journalist and author, George F. Will, writing in Newsweek.

If Amerika is so knock-kneed paranoid over their OWN citizens being against them, that’s not very “secure” for the homeland citizens who are constantly being told by that selfsame government that they are going to be protected by them. The usurpation of liberties is no way to guarantee that Americans will be safe – in fact, it lowers the “safety” aspect in exactly the same way attacking “terrorists” in Iraq only spawned more terrorists. If I have to explain how, your mind is already long lost to the Bushie tushies.

With technological intelligence-gathering methods such as color-coded Threat Conditions, taking our shoes off at airports and Michael Chertoff’s gut, I’m feelin’ large safety. How ‘bout you?

Considering they had to LIE to take troops away from actually defending the country’s borders to start a war in another country was bad enough; then to make our taxes pay for the creation of a bogus department set up for Homeland Security; then the further audacity of Homeland Security doing nothing for actual security but instead creating methods to usurp liberties and freedoms - and then to sign away the borders anyway with the North American Union! - how much more do the American people need to revolt with extreme prejudice?!

Words don’t come close in trying to clack all this together in one’s head. It is pure and utter MADNESS. In the true sense of the word – just like Lex Luthor trying to overlord humankind or Darkseid trying to rule the universe – these people are CRIMINALLY INSANE!

“You have set this government at war against its own people and then blamed those very people when they have said enough.”
 - Keith Olbermann, on one of the innumerable reasons why Bush should be impeached.

And steel-baked into the fabric of the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive (May ’07), the ultimate goal of the real terrorists – the George W. Bush government itself: to “maintain uninterrupted Government Functions” – that is, in a state of national emergency, all federal elections would be stopped and the country would have to CONTINUE WITH THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION IN POWER (with the president to be endowed practically dictatorial powers – much like right now) until the national emergency has been resolved.

11-f states: “Provision must be made for reconstitution capabilities that allow for recovery from a catastrophic emergency and resumption of normal operations…” But do you really think they’ll inform us of the national emergency being resolved? When that’s the element that is propping up their power over us?

The argument is moot anyway, because - like the Amerikan Constitution, like the Bible - they will simply adhere to the parts of the Homeland Security Directive that benefit them and selectively blind themselves to the parts that don’t.

The “national emergency” descriptions should scare citizens from the get-go - they range from “levels of mass casualties,” to “damage, or disruption severely affecting the U.S. population, infrastructure, environment, economy, or government functions” all ambiguous, all open to interpretation. Which means that Minnesota bridge falling down could have been claimed by the government as a terrorist (cha-ching!) action and we’d be knee-deep in camouflaged drogues right now blitzkrieging our shopping malls and lining us up on the street like Jews in Nazi Germany… but their strategy obviously calls on them to bide their time.

The “false flag” event, the planned catastrophe, to be blamed on “the terrorists” (cha-ching! – with Bush singing I’ve Got a Golden Ticket) - will be at a time of THEIR choosing. Sound a bit Conspiracy Queerly? Talk to George F. Will. Talk to Keith Olbermann. Talk to Lou Dobbs. Talk to MoveOn.org. They know. Hell, talk to GEORGE W. BUSH himself – I’m sure he’s already been briefed on the timeline of illegal events.

“I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly half the world is mine
What an amazing thing,
'Cause I've got a golden ticket…”
- Charlie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

We are not GOING to war with another country for oil or freedom – we are AT war with our own government for our oil and our freedom.

Poffy The Cucumber

"Bring it!


These issues serve to divide and conquer We the People. These issues are not the TRUE issues that would unite us, but the sword that They have provided to plunge ourselves upon. Why don’t we get the chance to vote out of existence the Federal Reserve? Why don’t WE get the opportunity to vote on how to fairly tax us? Why don’t we ever know whether our vote has been registered or even WHERE IT IS BEING SHUNTED - how about a written receipt? In every other business transaction in the known universe there is a paper trail – except when voting for a politician whom we all KNOW is a compulsive liar and a savage pimp.

They offer us THESE issues to wrangle over because they specifically touch off high emotions and flashpoint events, which distract We the People from the underlying greed-driven machinery that is really running your lives. These issues are completely contrary to the notion of unity; to the loving, peaceful, caressing serenity of “I hope some day you’ll join us”…

If money were not an obstacle, Mankind actually has the ability to feed, clothe and shelter every human being on Earth. It’s true. I read it somewhere. With enough left over for space travel to the Moon, Mars, Europa and beyond. With enough left over to keep driving, keep lights on, keep cooking and manufacturing for millions of years.

What stops Mankind co-existing in true non-materialistic peace is our inherent GREED. The greedy indoctrinate others with their avarice and skew the path to just abiding in peace and comfort. That doesn’t bode well for the intrinsic nature of Mankind (stop me when I get too pompous), but that’s what evolved us to this state of desire in the first place – our propensity for genetic continuance by any means possible; improving the chances of that continuance obviously leads to greed. Now that we’ve achieved self-awareness, though, one would imagine that our vaunted intelligence might come to the rescue – for the good of the species – and enable us to understand that being alive and letting others live (and destroying or letting those die who bring counter-evolutionary elements into the gene pool) is far more Earth-tastic than the short term goals of amorphous “issues” fought on a duplicitous stage.

Yep, just imagine all the people…We the People… sharing all the world… You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join us.

And the world will live as one.


NEXT: Ron Paul speaks. We marvel at this avatar's prescience in a speech addressed to the House of Representatives in November 2001, which predicts and warns about the last seven years of governmental stupidity, long before the Bush Klan tipped their evil on us like a comedic bucket of blood.

next > Part VII - Song of the Prophet.
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Gun Control Myths

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Abortion: for the ladies

No Woman No Crime

Gay Marriage wows

Bill Maher's take

Stem cell research

Bush say "wha-?"

inmigración ilegal
Rhetoric vs Reality

When Twin Towers Fall

Rudy's Fall from grace

Global warming

Gore's energy wastage

Illegal wiretapping
Felony Alert!

Health care

As sick as Amerika

the military draft

rounding up the sheep

Iraq War

Ron Paul throws down


semantics problem

No Child Left Behind

bad intelligence

Homeland Security

Lewis Black rants


sharing all the world...

Bet you never even knew what these colors were or what they stood for...

Well, every Sep 11, the Threat Level is YELLOW; every time Bush needs unethical revenue, the Threat Level goes ORANGE; and every time Michael Chertoff gets indigestion, we're looking at RED...

by Vincent Bugliosi

by Jon Dunmore

Presidential Candidate 2008

The State of the Union Address 2007

Desperately Delusional 08

Poffy The Cucumber and Jon Dunmore visit Ground Zero.

by Poffy The Cucumber

America: Freedom to Fascism
An Inconvenient Truth
Fahrenheit 9-11
Flight 93
The US vs John Lennon
United 93
V For Vendetta
World Trade Center

Word Count: 8,500
Added: 2007, Oct 8

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