South Park tells us that every election only gives us a choice between a turd and a douche. Either you vote for one of them – or you don’t vote. If you don’t vote, you can’t change things. And if you vote, you change things for the worse.
No one “wins” an election in Amerika any more.
This year, though, there is but one hope…
Some commentators opine that the 2008 Amerikan Presidential race heated up so early (eighteen months before the election) because the public is fed up with the Ku Bush Klan’s ignominious administration. But it could also signify an impatience on the part of the candidates to enter into an office which - as proven by example - is above the law, with absolute tyrannical power, zero accountability. We can almost taste the drool seeping out the corners of Rudy Giuliani’s crooked vermin mouth-hole. (In June ’07, Giuly’s press secretary had two credentialed reporters arrested for asking pointed questions about the WTC attacks. The issue is not that they might have been crackpots or that the questions might have been irrelevant to the presidential campaign – the issue is the resurrection of the brownshirts’ credo of Nazi Germany: “All opposition must be stamped into the ground.” Infringed on the First Amendment much, Giuly? The Nazis were BAD, right? Not to Giuliani – a true childe of Satan’s cunt, i.e. a Bushie.)
Even as blood and semen dribble from Amerika’s anus, from the six-year unlubricated pounding of the godless terrorists (Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Gonzales, Rove, Rice, et al); even as the War on Terror is waged on Amerika’s people by those White House terrorists and Fox News and Bushie bumboys (Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh); even as the country is run aground by the overreach of Osama bin Bush’s petrochemical greed, a new wind is struggling to blow…
As the Gates of Hell yawn wide, with the North American Union surreptitiously signed into reality in 2005 by George W. Bush, along with then-MexiPres, Vicente Fox and then-CanadaPrime, Paul Martin (which decimates the sovereignty of all three countries, flushes the American Constitution and illuminates the lackadaisical efforts to staunch illegal immigration from Mexico); with Bush breaching the Posse Comitatus Act (which prohibited the use of the military in domestic law enforcement i.e. kept a police state at bay), now with the absolute corrupt power to declare martial law and prevent any federal elections; even as this Machiavellian president of this dying country Amerika signed the Military Commissions Act of 2006 which suspended habeas corpus… One man stands like a naked Spartan at the Hot Gates, his army none other than American patriots and zealots of Truth garbed with the coruscating stank of Justice. Yet even as he hacks with vorpel sword at the jet-engine scream of the darkness…
The Attack of the Clones has begun.
The two cloned parties of Amerika (Republicans and Democrats) churn out their tiny automatons for party nomination: Richardson, Huckabee, Tancredo, Tommy Thompson, Dodd, Brownback, Hunter – pull open their shirts, you’ll find NO BELLYBUTTONS. Hatched from the same atom host-mother, these cloned senatoids suckle at the black milk teat of Mediocrity. Hear one, hear not only all the rest, but all the hollow promises made by all the hollow men who would vie for the Oval Egg throughout history; the “When I’m president” preface nauseating in its vacuous repetition.
Their every word stitched into the fabric of the country’s hopes and fears, their every move studied and debated and collated; their audience nothing less than the known thinking populace – and the best they’ve got to offer is pedestrian rhetoric and What The Other Guy Said.
I honestly have to think consciously about which side these vanilla repeat-machines belong to. The only deep-gouged demarcation between these Dems and Repubs is their stance on Iraq (Pussies want retreat, Felons want more murder).
And each of them – no matter the party – has heard this One Man speak Truth. And – no surprise – each has started to lean in the direction of that man, who has the intelligence and forthrightness to give rise to a REAL revolution, to give chase to fearmongering and domestic terrorism; that man who knows freedom is actually about BEING free; that One Man who could actually slay the dragon…
Let’s stop by the roadside for a plastic lunch and a comedy show: Brownback, Huckabee and Tancredo don’t believe in evolution… And Evolution finds it hard to believe these guys term themselves Homo sapiens (Man the Wise). Blaming it all on that invisible curmudgeon in the sky who loves war and hates gays, when these three bean stems raised their hands at that Republican convention, they should have immediately had every instance of “scientific” advancement excised from their lives - their microphones should have been turned off, their numerous prescription drugs revoked, their cars and electrical appliances and palm pilots and cell phones all confiscated, down to their photocopied documents in their briefcases, their clothes, shoes and beaten-gold rings. Think you can disparage science that easily, numbskulls? Try living without it. A superstitious imbecile shouldn’t even be considered for the post of commander in chief. Look what happened.
The Running Men:
Of all the grim contenders for – firstly their party nom, and then - that most absolute and corruptible of posts, the president of Big Amerikan Government, One Man has consistently lobbied for scaling back the insanity.
Who is this man who has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch?
Hillary Clinton is not that man – as evidenced by the mature American news networks covering her cleavage for two days straight (I think they were surprised she had any).
In 2006, Hillary criticized the Bush administration for making a habit of withholding information. She was right. She found out exactly HOW right when the Bush administration called her a terrorist for asking them about exit strategy documents.
Then in Aug ’07, when called upon to release documents pertaining to her tenure as First Lady, she refused to release over two million pages. Called the kettle black lately, Hill? Firstly: two million pages?! What was she doing - translating the Yongle Dadian? Secondly – if what she’s hiding is two million pages long, I want the movie rights and all the sequels.
As snide and hypocritical as only an ex-President’s wife could be, Hillary defends her stance on taking money from lobbyists, calling them “real people” – as opposed to… lobbyists (?) who are less than human (?) - then adds that she will NOT be swayed by their lobbying. Royt! I also make vast contributions to candidates who don’t listen to a word I say.
These “front-runners” play the game most smoothly and duplicitously (to secure the widest demographic, to offend as few as possible, making them as beige as possible without tipping into mannequin); front-runners are supposedly the “most trustworthy” of an intrinsically untrustworthy group (politicians) – yet if this is the best Hillary can do, the question MUST be raised: is SHE the fool or the people who vote for her?
Yet there is one man who has never contradicted himself. His congressional records and – more importantly – his YouTube appearances are unassailable.
Who is this man who can succinctly outline his policies with no fear of discrepancy, either recently or when he first ran for president in 1988 on the Libertarian ticket?
Barack Obama is not this man, although it would seem the Po Boy is desperately trying to grow into the mantle OF a man. Amidst speculation of “Is he experienced enough?” 45 year-old Boy Obama goes toe to toe with the most masculine of the Dem candidates – Hillary - calling her Bush-Cheney Lite and calling her bluff on international diplomatic protocol. And under scrutiny of “Is he black enough?” (yeh, that’s about as mature as Amerika gets), he augurs that if he receives “actionable intelligence” (a euphemism to allow loopholes to fester within the provenance of what is really “bullshit disinformation”) of al Qaeda in Pakistan, no matter what Paki Pres Musharraf says about disallowing U.S. troops into his country, ’Bama’s going bombing anyway. As illegally and bloody ignorantly as the current imbecile President of the United States. That’s mighty white of him.
Yet there is One Man who seeks non-intervention in overseas squabbles. He proposes Marque and Reprisal to capture specific criminals like Osama bin Laden, not uncontrollable, undeclared, illegal war. If attacked, his American troops will be ready – IN AMERICA – to thwart the enemy. The fact that he respects the Second should let people know he is not a peacenik:
Who is this man who has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership?
John McCain is not that man. Once a prisoner of war, now a prisoner of snore, McCain can hardly keep his eyes open, let alone the eyes and minds of his rapidly-declining supporters and staff. Trying to appear cool salad to a generation who think Prisoner of War is a Playstation game, there are simply too many pictures of the effusively-smiling McCain in gracious bear hugs with that Bush moron. Once the driver of the Straight Talk Express, now the caboose on the Midnight Express.
He’d like to be president, he’d rather be napping.
And collecting his pension. That nest egg paid for by you and I (and not a cent by them) which will never be snatched away because to take away Congress’s retirement money… would take an act of Congress. But there is One Man in congress who not only decries their stiffing of Social Security to pay themselves in their autumns, but sticks by his principles and does not participate in the congressional pension program.
Who is this man who has never voted to raise congressional pay?
Mitt Romney is not that man. Spooging more brilliantine than James Dean covered in black gold, bikini model Mitt spent $350,000 purchasing 10,000 tickets for the Iowa straw poll in Aug ‘07. And found that less than half that number cared to vote for him. After his extensive campaigning; after Giuliani, McCain and spineless Fred Thompson refused to attend; after a Texas Congressman with NO campaigning snuck up on him with a better percentage of tickets-to-votes, I’d say Mitten should've spent his cash on hookers.
It is not that he is so unprincipled that he will change his stance on anything as long as he can glob a vote from the person he is speaking to at that moment; it is not that his five sons are too milk custard to enlist in a war that he promotes for OTHER people’s kids to die in; it is not even that he is a closet polygamist waiting to happen; it’s that the American public won’t vote a Mormon into the Oval Egg. They will not stand for a pointless, made-up, ridiculous religion that they don’t understand in the White House – they’d rather have a pointless, made-up, ridiculous religion that they do understand.
Mitten maintains a “person of faith” should bear the presidency (ironic, considering he has so little faith in his own policies that he’ll flip to save his flop at the drop of a vote). But there is One Man who keeps his mythological beliefs to himself.
Who is this man who applies the “separation of church and state” as prescribed by the Constitution? John Edwards is not that man. Squeezing the juice from that small town accent ‘til my ears hurt from the hominy grits, coiffed and affluent Edwards embarks on a “poverty tour” to apparently “take time off from a presidential campaign and to shine a light on the poverty that exists in this country.” Aiming for Robert F. Kennedy, falling somewhere near Mauritz C. Escher: rich guy taking time off from presidential campaign to go campaigning for president amongst poor. In a chartered jet.
Look what happened to Robert F. Kennedy.
Whirlwinding through Marks, Mississippi, where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. began his Poor People’s March in 1968, Edwards meets “with people struggling with poverty in order to share their personal stories with the nation.” Oh, like a reality show. And just as quickly forgotten.
Look what happened to Martin Luther King.
But who is Edwards fooling? He’s no RFK; he’s no King. That’s not to say he shouldn’t try to eradicate poverty. But where should that funding come from? Not ME. And Not YOU either. Instead of addressing the insane Amerikan foreign policies of funding overseas allies to build bridges in their countries while American bridges fall down, or sending hundreds of billions to aid Saudis, Sunnis, Shiites, Shieks and Shish kebabs, Edwards keeps all his criticisms domestic and targets “taxes” from varying sources to make the Amerikan dollar chase its own tail to pay for the sociological caste which Amerika has head-shoved into the dogshit in the first place. And you and me end up paying. As usual…
Wife Elizabeth has cancer, so it is dicey to criticize either of the Edwards, but that suave, denim-jeaned, rolled-up-sleeved public image is merely photo-op. Or a bad impression of John Mellencamp. Though a “poverty campaign” sounds noble on the ground, does it give his candidacy wings?; will the breadline vote turn the tide of the corporate vote, who bring to the table all those things that make presidential races actual fun: blood money, thuggery and embargo threats? The breadline doesn’t vote – or didn’t Edwards get the memo? Instead of wandering the derelict ‘burbs with media teams and catering services for those teams, why didn’t he just donate all that money to the areas in question? But surely Edwards is not that naive? He knows he is not accruing any votes from the poverty line. So what is he really doing out there in his Buddy Lee dungarees?
Edwards is a nice enough bloke and his policies echo all those hollow promises made down through the decades – tweaked to sound Kentucky Fried – but is that all an American President should be? Someone whom you “can’t find anything wrong with”?
Shouldn’t a PRESIDENT be One Man who actually Says Something; to whom you zealously listen; who inspires with his logical, lawful and sensible ideas? Shouldn’t THAT man be your vote?
One Man does stand far closer to RFK than Edwards fantasizes he does. Wikipedia cites RFK’s ticket as “racial and economic justice, non-aggression in foreign policy, decentralization of power and social improvement. A crucial element to his campaign was an engagement with the young, whom he identified as being the future of a reinvigorated American society based on partnership and equality.”
(Heey! That sounds exactly like---sshhh! Not yet! More semi-cloned artiodactyls to go.)
Who is that One Man whom Kennedy would have been proud to run with?
Dennis Kucinich is close, but he is not that man. He talks a good talk, but I doubt this gnome-turned-shill for text messaging companies will walk the good walk. There is something about him that makes me unsure he will follow through. I think it’s the ears.
This One Man voted against the Patriot Act.
Mike Gravel is not that man. Like a grizzled prospector shouting at people with a shotgun to “Git offa mah propitty!” Gravel downshifts so far into snarling maverick that not even a magical green cucumber with a super secret identity can take him seriously.
This One Man voted against regulating the Internet.
Joe Biden, though lucid and intelligent and a cheerful personality, is not that man, for his rhetoric oft-times runs congruent with his mundane teammates. Though losing in the charisma stakes to Obama (and falling prey to the media misquoting and misdirecting his intent on Obama being “clean”), Biden has very workable policies and a manner that reminds us of Blowjob Bill.
Failing the One Man getting the nom - and hoping that two-faced Hillary doesn’t - Biden would make a grand figurehead in the House of Ovaltine.
This One Man voted against the Iraq war.
Then definitely that man is not Rudy (Fooliani, Rude Giuliani, Ghouliani, Jewliani, Manhattan Mussolini) Giuliani. Working on the credo of Law 4 from the movie, The Postman (“Terror will defeat reason”), Giuliani hails from the Bush Skool of “Repetition is Truth,” cornering the market on 9/11, so that his compatriots are forced to invoke Reagan by default. If this egocentric ignoramus is ever in a conversation or interview and doesn’t mention “9/11” or “terrorism” - it’s an impostor.
But the 9/11 Gospel According To Giuly is unraveling…
First to be dispelled is the myth that he was the Man Of The Moment for rescue and organization during September 11, 2001 – in reality, Giuliani’s numerous television moments milling aimlessly amongst the rubble were because his emergency command office in WTC 7 was destroyed when the building came down; advised not to locate his office in WTC 7 because it was obviously a target after the 1993 WTC bombing, Giuly ended up Walking The Earth like Jules from Pulp Fiction because of his stubbornness and stupidity – NOT because he was a Hero.
Claiming trapped firefighters stood their ground “because they were heroes” rather than because he shirked his mayoral duties to provide functioning radios and they failed to receive evacuation messages; quitting the search for more bodies at Ground Zero after 200 million in gold was recovered; digging disrespectful mass graves against the protests of families and firefighters – whom he arrested for protesting… Giuliani is now spat upon by Firefighters and 9/11 volunteers alike.
After touting himself and being touted by the media for six years as
”Mr. 9/11” and “America’s Mayor,” Giuly eventually went too far and in Aug ’07 when he claimed he did not get sick even though he had spent as much time at Ground Zero as volunteers and firefighters, the New York Times scathingly reported his total time spent at Ground Zero over three months was 29 hours.
From being his ace in the hole to his albatross. 9/11 has been his bread and butter, his god and zilla, his pedestal of puffinstuff – and it is baseless!
PLUS: He and Bush make a point of reminding everyone that THEY were in power during the attacks of 9/11… oh really, and er…why didn’t you STOP the attacks then? What with all the intelligence gleaned from the 1993 attacks and that unread Aug '01 document on Bush’s desk with the ambiguous title of “Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside The United States.” Good job on negligence in protecting the country, prosthetic limb sniffers!
Rudy Giuliani was the man who unwittingly brought that One Man to prominence.
That Man is Ron Paul.
During the May 15, 2007 Republican Debate in South Carolina, Texas Congressman Ron Paul schooled the panel on Amerikan interventionism in the Middle East during the last few decades, which caused the vitriol that exploded back in Amerika’s face on 9/11. In a blaze of idiocy, Giuliani accused Paul of blaming the American people for causing 9/11, and demanded an apology. At the time, the audience - still under the drugged spell of the Republican war machine - applauded magnificently. For Rudy. I’ll hazard a guess that was the last time he ever heard applause like that.
Later, Paul would admit to feeling like the smallest person in the world during that applause, but instead of succumbing to Rudy’s hammer of stupidity, he demonstrated his formidability in the face of uninformed derision, immediately launching into another informative dialogue on the CIA and “blowback.” Now that’s strength! That’s… Presidential!
It was a double burn. Not only had Giuliani exposed his ineptitude as an informed leader; he had unwittingly exposed the knowledge and fortitude of one of the second-tier candidates whom the mainstream media has been empowered to stultify through neglect.
And from that point, Ron Paul – with his message to Take Back the Constitution, return American liberties and Take Down Big Government - became a top tier candidate whether the mainstream media admitted it or not, whether the unscientific polls reflected it or not, whether he himself was ready or not.
Neither pussy nor felon, a Republican with Libertarian roots, with his own party fearing his forthrightness and attempting to oust him from the candidacy, with Democrats singing that Police song to him, Don’t Stand So Close To Me, and voters of both stripes lining up to touch the hem of his cloak, Ron Paul is an enigma in the political arena. He does not speak in tongues because his clarity is his weapon. He does not evade questions because he has nothing to hide. He does not seek to terrorize the vote because, unlike the Bush administration or Rudy Giuliani, he is trying to END terror. He does not sloganeer because he is a thinking human being who does not insult his fellow thinking humans.
When Paul calls for troop withdrawal from Iraq, he is the only candidate – Dem or Rep – who cites the full history of Amerikan intervention that caused the conflict (“They don’t come here to attack us because we’re rich and free – they attack us because we’re over THERE!”) and why being on BOTH SIDES of almost every single overseas conflict is not only costing lives, but bankrupting the country. The Federal Reserve is printing money for the war effort (even though the gold standard has been abolished, meaning paper money has no intrinsic value); the vig incurred on each dollar is about $1.40. (Yes, it costs the government $1.40 to make $1.00! Asinine? That’s only the quarter of it. How does the Federal Government pay back the Federal Reserve? YOUR illegally-collected income tax. Hence, two of Paul’s platforms - to abolish the Federal Reserve AND personal income tax.) Meanwhile, Amerika borrows money from China to fund That Wacky War – money which piles onto Amerika’s deficit (the annual amount by which spending exceeds revenue) - then PRINTS MORE MONEY TO PAY BACK CHINA, while burning money in fuel and ammo all over Iraq, all in the hopes of securing the pipeline deals and control of the oil fields which will be the equivalent of pulling that lever and seeing all the lemons line up.
Real reasons, not electioneering jargon. Scary, innit? You might just learn something if you listen to this “radical!” By the beard of Rosie O’Donnell – nooooo!
Scarier is the fact that these reasons are veiled from the American public with idiocies like “We’re fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here” (as if pinning down a “Terrorist Army” with a line of good ole boys; as if ICBMs couldn’t cross that expanse in a few hours anyway and do more damage than any suicide bomber).
Even on policies I do not agree with (such as his Pro-Life stance), Paul’s honesty in stating them boldly assures he will address the issues judiciously (and indeed he will, opting not to intrude on state legislation regarding abortion).
Time for the country to stand in nudity – I mean, unity – and disallow a continuation of the Bush regime through dictator Rudy (“If you don’t vote for me, you’re a terrorist”) Giuliani, or Mitt (“Triple Guantanamo”) Romney; Paul’s legions bank on that small outside chance of a groundswell that might trickle up to the federal level.
But Ron Paul can’t be bought. And that greatest of assets may be his greatest problem. Because the U.S. Presidency is up for sale. Only by playing his cards the wrong way can he hope to bring about the right changes. The paradox in Ron Paul’s candidacy: by calling for “small government” he has to – by his own principles – BE small government, and will therefore be trounced by the Big Government he is working to overthrow. For this avatar of Liberty to make any headway (past the corporatists and pharmaceuticals and oil lords – who literally kill to retain their stranglehold on power) he would have to stoop to the methods of Big Govt. i.e. raise more money than Croesus to stomp his way through the media and corporate landmines, promising his benefactors their continued stranglehold on Amerika, and then crunch his message into manageable soundbytes the stunted Amerikan consciousness can assimilate. And in so doing, will be undone ethically.
Dr. Paul probably won’t stoop. The lowest competitor will win the highest office. As usual.
Amerika whines about freedom and liberty but has grown accustomed to the fist up its anus. It hurt at first, but years of indoctrination has prepared Amerika for the fingers to now open and grasp the last ganglions of Amerika’s humanity and twist. Amerika embraces the shallow. Amerika embraces the rich. Amerika embraces corporate invasiveness. See how enjoyable it is to buy that necklace from home with my credit card? See how convenient it is to sign up for a vacation online? See how expediently the Franchise Tax Board can place an illegal levy on my bank account without my bank protesting and then steal half my money?
America can’t win. The road to ruin is paved by Amerika itself.
And when that day of reckoning finds our savior mayhaps thrown under the bus, I will be there, two-fisted. Standing for Justice. For Liberty. Roaring into the stars-and-stripes darkness, burning flag stabbed into the lush pampas of the White House lawn.
Together in outrage, with my brothers and sisters, in the twilight’s last gleaming, we will stand.
END PART III
NEXT: Democracy - it sounded like a good idea at the time. But the times they are a-changin'.